What the Hell Is Going On Here?

I mean seriously.  This is the 2011 Moon Pie Festival t-shirt design, and though other years’ designs have been mildly enigmatic (last year featured what looked like an RC Cola flipping off a Moon Pie), this year’s design really takes the cryptic cake.

I wish I could find a larger version of this shirt for those of you outside the Bell Buckle Belt, but if you ran the 10-mile race and have a shirt, please let me know what you think this design is attempting to communicate. I’ve been staring at it intermittently for 3 days now, and I’m no closer to unraveling the mystery. As far as I can tell, this is what is happening in the shirt:

On the left-hand side, there seems to be some kind of ominous March of the RC Cola bottles through a dark tunnel. Either the two bottles in front are sharing a sort of scary Budweiser King of Beers style of crown, or they are being followed by a long line of RCs. This veritable cola army is beginning to crowd together as if to say, “Get the fuck out of our way! We’re RC Colas and we are COMING THROUGH!!”

This is troubling enough, but it is the design on the right-hand side that really creates an aura of terror. Again, it is nighttime. In the background, there appear to be some old buildings with nary a light on in any one of the gaping windows. Rising hideously behind these buildings is a truly gargantuan quarter moon….with a face. Granted, the moon is smiling, but this detail doesn’t make me feel any better about the whole situation.

In the foreground, we see what I can only assume are two Moon Pies with disproportionately small feet. One Pie appears to have a tail, but this idea is so upsetting that I don’t even want to think about it anymore. In front of the Moon Pie on the left is a disembodied hand waving at the leering moon. On the ground in front of the Pies is either an Oriental rug or an oversized book with Chinese symbols on the cover. There may be a purplish stovepipe hat involved with the Pie on the right side.

Capping this entire perplexity is the fact that both these scenes seem to be framed within the parameters of two giant conch shells. There’s a chance that these may be macrame plant holders, but that wouldn’t explain the conch-like horned tips protruding to the left and right. The rest of the shirt’s design is an entirely innocuous old timey poster kind of thing. Obviously, this is supposed to fool the observor into thinking there’s nothing insidious taking place within the inner design, but it ain’t fooling me.

If you think you have a clearer idea of what’s really happening in the 2011 Moon Pie shirt, please leave a comment below.


Oh, and the race was the basic phantasm of extreme heat, humidity, and hills that it always is. But there are popsicles, Moon Pies (sans tails), and hay bales at the finish. There are a lot of quilts and fried stuff and fat chicks clogging. It’s in freaking Bell Buckle! One must run it every year, regardless of how petrifying the shirts are.


8 thoughts on “What the Hell Is Going On Here?

  1. It looks like someone threw up their moon pies and rc cola. Either that or they are surfboards. Which makes total sense.

    go cocks! and see you Saturday!

  2. you are seeing the sgt-pepper-influenced circus parade going by as you pull back the tent and peek inside the big top.


  3. At first glance, I thought the bottles were maracas. Clearly, I am of no help.

    And to echo waffles, I too appreciate your new posting frequency. Although, yet again, I am way late in realizing the post was here. 🙂

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