N is for…



I’m bitterly sorry to have to say
I have nothing at all to write today
I cannot take virtual pen to paper
Back off bitches, I’m deep in taper

Accuse me not of slothful lazing
This is uber important navel gazing!
I must sit for hours and quietly freak
About seconds, carbs, toenails, and sleep

Your run was fab today, you just said
I envision a frying pan upside your head
You ran for an hour! It was total bliss!
Oh dear, is that your face on my fist?

I have nothing at all, then, to say about
Phantom pains and spontaneous gout
Colon clutches and cramps in my rear
Will certainly not be mentioned here

And most of all, there’ll be no public mourning
Of how leaden my legs were in my small trot this morning
What’s that you say? I need a hug?
Reach out one arm, bitch, and pull back a nub

Yes, I’m endlessly sorry to have to repeat
That there’s nothing to see here, nothing to read
Tune in tomorrow for greener blog grass
As for today, please just kiss my ass.


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