Middle Tenn 5K Shootout 3/19


This is right at 4 minutes slower than I was running 5Ks 8 years ago and about a minute slower than I thought I might run this race Saturday, but having not raced in nearly a year, I really had nary a shred of an idea about what I might do.

The course for this race is basically straight down the shoulder of a 4-lane highway, a 180-degree turn, and straight back. I wouldn’t exactly call it scenic or delightful, but it’s fast (LOL! 25:37!) and flat and a favorite person of mine who actually convinced me that he sharted a fully-formed turd into his pants when walking around his home one time (he didn’t) is the RD, so how could I not run this race? Plus the Bitches always run it. BONUS.

Anyway, the weather was fairly perfect for the race, aside from a monstrous headwind on the way out. But you can’t really complain about a headwind (well, I mean you can, but you shouldn’t) when it magically turns into an awesome tailwind on the way back. If it were the other way around, I’d still be complaining at this very moment. I almost lost my hat twice on the way out, and my wig was totes busted by the turnaround. Based on the shadow I was casting, I resembled a flailing Medusa for the last mile. Since it’s out and back, you can see everyone in the race, which was grand for bellowing “RUN BITCH!!” at all the Bs and SOBs. A pleasant side note is that the race location is in a kind of, shall we say, rural and TSK! TSK! area about 30 miles outside Nashville. So there were some super-gratifying expressions of alarm when all 6 of us hollered this back and forth to one another.

The main thing about my race effort in this race is that it wasn’t really there. I somehow found myself more interested in not hurting too much and in trying to make Bitch Amy laugh at stupid things I was saying. (She laughed, but then she pulled away in the last half mile, probably just to get away from my yammering, and then beat me. Bitch.) I’m not saying that I didn’t run hard, but it was basically the effort level of a hard interval workout. There was none of the “I am fucking dying” feeling in the final mile, no nausea, no reeling around in a daze after the finish. Essentially, I was lame. I also think I’ve completely fallen out of the race groove, so the good news is that I’m going to race more to try and become groovy again. And by “groovy,” I mean dry heaving at the finish. Always attractive!

Even so, my attempt at sub-24 between now and the end of the summer will probably be more difficult than I thought it was going to be. Taking a minute and 40 seconds off a 5K is pretty huge…I mean, it’s not huge if you’re entirely out of shape or overweight by, say, 20 pounds to begin with. I’m somewhat out of shape and about 8 pounds over my ideal race weight. Sharpening up my fitness and weight might take off a minute….but 100 seconds? GAH!

But I’m still planning on trying. I know sub-24 is in me….I just have to dig it out.

Next 5K looks like Moosic City (full name: “Purity’s Moosic City Dairy Pure Dash.” Good God!) on April 16th. I’ve got a month to become at least somewhat less pathetic. And I look forward to actually, you know, racing in a race at some point.




3 thoughts on “Middle Tenn 5K Shootout 3/19

  1. Love the new blog look, Tonay.

    I’m a good 10-13 pounds over my ideal 5k weight. I’m done with it. Let’s both get where we gotta be. The year is young!

  2. OMG!!!! How did I miss the Bitch Announcement of a new blog address and layout??? We must invest in a BITCH Signal (like the batman signal). And yeah, you were cracking me up during this race!

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